oldmonk week

its fun how alcohol helps you rediscover yourself every time..

this first time i am all happy boss is not going to be in office for 3 days.. decided to rush home.. drink a celebration peg.. and watch one piece on the way back.. instead of cursing innocent ppl stuck in traffic...
solid chutiyapa.. psp mein battery nahi and bottle mein oldmonk nahi... fir sirf chips khaya and khaj khuja ke batti bhujaya..

this 2nd last time i was with Mr. kool dude # 1 - i am so fat that my mamma would mistake me for a dumpling :P........ i drank half a bottle of oldmonk and i was normal.. i enjoyed... i ate good good.. zero hangover..
this last time i sat with Mr. kool dude # 2 - he is actually kool and his mama knows it... i drank almost half a bottle...but i was so tired when i reached home that i forgot to eat eat.. i just crashed.. and next day i had a miserable time.. i still dont understand how i sent those sms to her and made a beeg fucking chut out of me...

both the days i was thinking about the same things i generally think when i am with old monk... why does alcohol have to be a killer.. but come to think of it it.. if life is killer too.. life does not allow you to live forever.. so lets make life simpler.. blame life.. blame alcohol and feel good about life and alcohol..

last few weeks have been a little weird .. kolaveri happend to me like no other song has gripped me in a very long time.. its fun to see how these ppl with resources and lot of exposure end up making kool things...  shruti, dhanush, aishwarya made the world go mad... with the help of aniruddh.. a guy who will now be confused how to continue making good music... much more than that unfortunately even if he makes shitty music ppl will still end up rooting for him.. thats how india has been for the last 3000 years

pawar got slapped and for the first time a common maharashtrian understood how difficulty it must be to carry a heavy loaded head over your shoulders.. pawar almost fell and the poor sardaar actually got a gand phatti meri feeling but he sailed through it well.. as he is a sardar in the end.. he has to lead with example .. good or bad...

anna was sarcastic.. he said ek hi?? it was a true rotflol moment...

also last week boss was not in office for a long long time.. approximately 3 days.. so WTF was chilled out.. !!

though he tried to rape my mental inner peace over the phone.. i was actually staring at a busty babe on the streets of sector 17 ...imagining the stress the elastic was under.. woh aam nahi kharbooja the...

mein to kabhi utna stress mein nahi raha hoon.. so i should be smiling... even if boss i yelling....

aaj Dev ws all pumped up to drink this friday night out.. poora khamba leke pooja kar raha hai.. leking kal exhibition mein gand marana hai.. and ho sake to BB bhi khelna hai... lets see.. abhi mikhail ka daru phone kall bhi nahi aaya abhi tak..

kya hoga next.. bhenchod.. if u are still reading this.. u must be fuckin fucked and lost your mind..

this is not what it seems...


raKH05041982

sony ericsson ... you can kiss my ass

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i still feel that there is too much inequality in this world...

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the answer i am sure wont be too easy....

we need a ....

i like the way "cowshit" ooops kaushik aka jadoo chatty writes date...so i ll write date here tooo
20090706

ok...i still find myself in complete love with OldMonk.. ...no no...you pervert.. .i am not gay...atleast not so far...i am not sure of the future....its always uncertain ...and the end is always near.....

FYI... .OldMonk is my fav sasta RUM... 7 years belended... mohan breweries jindabad... khopoli jindabad...thats where they brew it in maharashtra ... maharashtra is where bal thok-rey and raj thok-bihari thok-upite stays... ek quarter faqt saath rupayala (1 qyarter for only Rs. 60)

i like raj...he is got a lot of sulemani keeda....he does a lot of things which make a lot of sense...but the ways are still not justifiable....(hope MNS dont read this...ill be raped for practicing democratic right of freedom of speech...but they might have a soft corner for me being maharashtrian...so they'll only rape me...and not keel me)

larry the crocodile from pearls before swine (pbs) is a ideal father...i want to be him... i want to do that wild thing he does... son...play wii with me.... don't laaarn engleeees...Larry's wife so understanding....and his kid is so talented... he prefers wii to studies....

last evening after havin a 45 minute mind fucking conversation on 1800-11-1800 with Mr. "my name is rajesh..how can i help you keel time?" ...last 25th april i submitted my phone for repairs coz the camera stopped working and it is in warranty... they still have not figured out why they are unable to repair my phone...

i was tired....i needed a drink.... i needed RUM....
and who will come to rescue baBa...non-other than.. the my deeeer phraaand dipti...

she buys me a drink at GOKUL... there is a rat on the loose there....and dipti thinks that rat is gonna climb on her....she she is excited... it must be the GIN effect...

gayle is fucking aussies right in the ass... 50 of 88 balls :P and the whole of gokul is cheering for the west indies... must be the fact that poor lil indians are getting raped and attacked in kangaaroo land....

hope Sri lanka repeats .... they win too...


i take a early train to vashi... 9 : 20 i guess...i slept in the train ..nothing really kool happens in the 1st class compartments unless someone like eye-feasting on fat gujjuu rich mofos... their bellies tell you how rich they are....

i got down at vashi.... saala barabaar vashi aate hi aankhen automatically khool jaata hai... kuch to magic hai.....

so half asleep...i get out of the platform start brisk walking towards the kopar khairane rickshaw stand....and i see what i have never seen before... a girl with checks wala shorts is kissing a girl who looks like boy...the taller one is tryin to manaofy the shorter one who is roothee hue....


i am like...aweeeeeeooooooooooooo oooooohhhhh

and i try to look away...but how can i...this tall chick sees me...and gives an attitude....buzz off... you are insignificant...and she kisses this shorter girl who is dressed up in T-shirt and jeans...

and i am like... wow my first ever live lesbian kiss is happening in front of me....and i should not stop it.....

butterNan once told me that she has never seen gay ppl together or was it "i have never seen gay ppl kiss" or whatever...sometimes i dont remember things correctly...there is too much information out there... need a bigger hard drive... :P


i take a share rick home.... drink plenty water on my way .... go home...watch yuvraj singh rape the poor bowlers.. eat palak-dal-rice and sleep....

adises says one of them must be a guy...but i am sure ...both of them had boobs...and earrings..
pootr ...chutiya!! ... you missed it...you should have been there...i should have had my Sony ericsson phone with me...the cybershot could have captured the proof for this post....

vashi has become so kool...


sony ericsson should be kicked in the nuts... dump phones that are outdated in the developed coutires...

i need to buy those chinese phones which do not make you feel aphrodisiac ... cheap and full of technology... low thrills no frills ... limited hope ... complete VFM !!



raKH05041982

a crazY littel things called LOVEDA...

LOVEDA...loveda lag gaya zindagy kaa...deep down south...aisa lagata tha ek din ek hafte ke barabar hia...dimaag mein itni chutiyagiri ho rahi thee kee...aise lag raha tha butterNan playing football with my heart in my head was much more fun...sala her ek din...woich tensionor sales target...EOD dimmaga ka bhosada ho jaata tha...pata tha jab yeh sab khatam ho jaayega ...sala poorani kabar khodke poorani baante and yaadon ko sochke bada majja ayega....jhendu ke phool ki tarah dil khil jaayega...

out of the many things..yeah many things....i know i wont miss many of them...

i mean if a man had nothing gr8 happening in his life... i am sure he will start appreciating all the chutiyagiri happening around him...he will surely enjoy it...

if i went shouting loveda loveda loveda...i would get slapped in mumbai...this fear once came true when the off duty cop who had the balls of frustrated trapped anger to slap me on a muthafukin DIWALI day...yeah that was like a big cracker bursting right on my face....chutiya burhaan wanted to buy chaddi....and to buy chaddi he comes all the way to vashi from kharghar....its not like ppl in kharghar mein log undies nahi pehan te....the reason is there is a famous chaddi-baniyan shop in the lane next to golden punjab and navratna....right next to jhama in sector 17 vashi..

we chediots (chediots are nothing but chutiyaas who are also idiots).... ho ho ho...it was our fav adda.... sitting on bikes parked in from on navratana...adda for getting together....chill out...drool on the hot girls and aunty's who came shopping in the sec 17 market...buy chhota baatlees of wodkaa and then flip open the bottle of sprite...gulp 3/4th of the sprite the bitter way..and then mix the two miscible liquids.... the chhota baatlee in the remaining 1/4th sprite...then the ritual used to be ..waiter will try to show that he is a true lost maharashtrian indian...dance with the sprite baatlee having wodka like a bartender...sprinkle 4 drops of daru for the ppl who are not with us...and then drink the sweet concentrate to glory...me..mikhail..lez...waiter...claude.. and others.....

chutiyagiri to hona hi tha...burhaan was with romstone...and usual we have a healthy exercise of words of wisdom.... parade of galis begin... bencho...bhosdaaa...maa ki aaag...it was like we are full of them..... i tell burhaan, jab woh patlee gali se kamati ho raha tha.... LOVEDAy...( in proper bumbaiyaa style)... apni size ki chaddi kharidnaa..and then burhaan with his loud mouth goes...blah blah blah....loveda bada hai to meri kya galti...and i say...jaa be loveday...jaa...undie kharid...

and then i dont remember what happpen...there is that gap ...i dont remember anything.... next think i remember a khaki...is in front of me, me surprised...trying to take my case....woh maamoo ka gussa pata nahi kahan se aaya...apne chhote nanhe ke saamne hi raises his had ...ONE TIGHT SLAP...silence...then pandu thoda much much kiya...and in few more seconds we left the scene....

LOVEDA bola....jhapad khaya :|

i still couldnt figure out ....whats with this crazy little thing..word loveda....the best thing in chennai, or coimbatore, or in madurai...or TN for that matter....there would not be any police who would slap me if i went on a parade shouting out loud loveda loveda loveda...why ?... its simple.... love is nothing but love...and "da" is a fix they use....like in mumbai we use "re" or "be"...

coming back to missing things...the list may be long...but few are like...

i miss that dude who looked ditto like forest whitaker, who didnt understand a phaaaking word of hindi, he made excellent cofee...the MR bakery on Gokhale road off cross cut road in ramnagar in coimbatore and the small coffee shop behind murugan temple in vadapalani in chennai...who made coffee even better but always insisted on mee eating cookies and bananas...

miss that ultra fucked up amman mess ...what a mess that mess was in...where the parotta with kurma was a killer...and half boil....ha ha ha...half boil is actually a half fry egg...frankly i stopped giving a damn...coz the taste was as good as ghar ka khana....

miss aachi mess in tatabad was homefood....and so was the mess close to aachi...which was special for its non-veg...

miss Sathyam Cinemas which could have easily become a living room with awesome surround dolby sound, full time working AC, and a source of innocent ego-free pop-corns...if i was to stay in chennai for longer than a year....

marina was a playground...Thiruvanmayur beach was the best open house bar...miss them

i miss walking randomly on the streets of T-nagar....it was a hopeful place...where i always dreamed of bumping into the awesomo butterNan ....but only dreams of true color come true....mOnOchromatic dreams are hard to come true...

the dude who used to give me and mangesh a happy smile everytime we went to buy coke and chakhnaa..those plastic glasses are being missed....those green TASMAC boards...
and that dudes elder bro...whos tamilish ( a mix of tamil and english) persuaded me to buy a tata sky connection....(fuck...there was no way i would miss euro cup)

that lady who took gr8 deal of interest in making mootai-lapa or mootai-podimas and who would enquire about where we had dinner last night every time we skipped dinner at her shop....and showed that she cares...and she did.

miss hanging out with keshavmoorthy and velayutham swamy ...who took much interest in teaching me tamil, withouth them i would be gangraped in coimbatore and chennai... abdul bhai, who was a complete timepass character.....it was fun teaching him few hindi words....

i miss curd rice, oorga...pappad

miss those 2 bloody mechanics who conned me into buying a fucked up bike and feeling happy about it...mayeer is what i called them in my mind ....the only slang i learnt...down south... sometimes, the things that interest you the most are never tought....you gotta learn them on your own...in this case, I chose not to learn how or wha they say ....those slangs in tamil....slangs are common in mumbai and north...madarchode, behahchode...i still dont know how they say it in tamil....i knew i would never need to use them in a land of so many GODS...

all i know is...I was an interesting character before living in tamil nadu.....Now i am an even more frigging special interesting character....

above all....i miss the way i used to miss my life in tamil nadu...i miss the way i used to miss mumbai/bombay....i miss the way i missed my friends... the way mumbaikars struggle it out...the way they fight to keep their miserable lives above the bare minimum happiness level...the way they slap all the stress and bounce back like a ping pong ball everyday in the morning (few of the mumbaikars ounce at night)....the way we use madarchode benchode and not actually mean it...the way we laugh it out when we miss the local train despite doing everything on time....the way we eat a vadapav as a treat from a chindhy rich friend....the way auto-rickshaw-wallahs charge you by the meter...and nothing more...the way the food kooked in slums, packed nicely by young kids in unclean plastic is consumed with satisfaction buy the middleclass...the leafy vegetables grown from the gutter/sewage ka pani on the sides of railway track, are treated as a healthy organic food....i missed it all....

sometimes it is necessary to separate yourself from the city you love ....only to fall in love with it all over again...


PS :"love da....benchode" & "maa-chudi"....are my most frequently used fav galis.


raKH05041982

under the color tv . . . . . .chemical locha explained...

12the september 10am...waiting for the crocodile to decide my future...not wanting o think too much...i scribbled the thought in my head...

all i did was sit under the color tv on the first floor, wait for hours ...for her to come online...if she came online..the heart used to skip a beat..it was becoming more of a exercise for my heart...and then jump with her in the world of insane fun, chat, innocent flirting and what ever it was ...i was a balloon filled with vapors of happiness geld with laughter.... and if she didn't come online...i used to imagine that if she came online...today....blah blah blah... its clear...my brain was super scrwed...chemical locha...and if she came online and couldnt chat...i was like a balloon filled with fart...heart broken...sunti knows exactly what i used to go through...

then one day in a mail...i get a picture of her and i start getting high...high on her beauty...instant love at not really first sight....and blah blah blah...baBa crashes...

few things were matching matching...like a sari with a 2 by 2 ka cutpiece blouse ..sometimes no matching matching...andhra ka hero ka dressing style ke tarah...here i am talking about tastes interests thoughts....etc...

PBS (pearls before swine) was perfect matching matching...she loves it so much that she will order for books of PBS online and happily pay in $s...i love it so much that i will scan the whole fucking web to get free soft copies...few more matching matching things were rain-dance, world peace, nailbiting performances sunshine etc...the non matching things can go and fuck themselves...not worth mentioning here....

never met her, never had a word with her, just chats and exchange of sms's ...and fal in love might sound like a big chutiyagiri...and now sometimes i do agree it as a chutiyagiri ...but what else is not a chutiyagiri in this world....sometimes...most of the times...sometimes all the time...this life is a BIG chutiyagiri...I mean we cant have everything, at times we dont even get 50% of the things we dream of...coz we are always tought to dream big...dream of the impossible...fuck those...who really tell us to do that....unrealistic reality... and then few things that we want in life, come in our life and before we are able to blink, they are frigging out of the life...turn our...i get a chance to meet her in her hometown ...madgrasss.....(madgrass = chennai)...i meet her...and i force my self to blink...but before i can blink...all i know was....i am saying...dude...i dont know what the fuck is happening....sunti is like...baBa... get a life...


everything comes to a standstill...the balloon is pinpricked...hona kya hai...typical hindi fillum scene shot....she get engaged...and tamasha dekhta reh gaya...baBa...kabhi kabhi you miss the starting gun in a race that u dont want to win....and consequences dont let you participate the races you want to win...thoda bahoot jyaada late ho gaya...but what the hell...khud ko tasalli dene ke liye...they say naa...try kiya naa...jee kholke try kiya....thoda bahoot safalata bhi praapt kiya...

the problem was her jaadu had spread to such a high degree that she started becoming the ideal girl friend to have....but then like some wise man called baBa once said.... whats ideal in this world apart from DEATH...?

friends went to movies..i chose to sit under the tv, bewda dost log went to daru-party...i was sitting under the tv...team-mates busy making presentations to impress lifeless teachers...i was sitting under the tv...on the day of the eggjams, everybody slogging their ass to reduce the fat and get in shape....i am found under the tv.. at times till 11 pm... pataOfying the watchman... to let me sit under the tv...so that i can be online...i can chat...i can feel like a happy balloon.... there was life under the tv....there was joy...there was timepass, there was fun, there was me...sitting all most all the time when i am not doing anything ....under the tv on the first floor was what i love calling "stairway to heaven"...but i couldnt hear...the wind blow, and did i know my stairway to heaven was on the whispering wind....

to accompany me when she was not around online was naruto, bleach, weeds, pink floyd, gtalk, and my fuckin awesome laptop ......


PS :the crocodile kinda surprised me....said...mumbai se jyaada pyaar tujhse aur koi nahi kar sakta...he transferred me to mumbai....

raKH05041982

TASMAC must go :@

there is absolutely no regrets... life teaches many things even when we are out of school..

no regrets....
didnt feel like abusing that bastard ...didnt feel like bashing that mofo ( always read mofo as motherfuker) .... fucking got duped in the bar in chennai ( yaaron...hasna mat... daru pine ke baad apna haal to is equation ki tarah ho jaata hai ----> SUPERMAN - few senses = baBa ).... i mean there are no simple bars in chennai .... sab ke sab maa chudi ... self proclaimed 3 star and 4 star. but the feeling of getting semi-drunk and getting gypped by a "anna" bar tender is also an experience. i mean life is all about experiencing different experiences....but the best part of this is everytime u get a different exp even though the same thing is heppening around ....

lets drift to a wonderful experience baBa had in coimbatore :P
its like one of the sundays when i had nothing to do in coimbatore ...i went to this place called TASMAC.

TASMAC is a govt controled BAR that no sane person wud like to visit. there is a wine shop and next to it is a small dingy place to have that alcohol. u might be lucky to have service in that TASMAC bar. or else u just buy a liqour bottle, a plastic glass and a water packet and rock and roll ..

trust me...i am not able to explain it properly...over here... u gotta see it to believe it.... i wud say...all these firangs come and visit places of no significance according to me... they visit the temples when the god is within them , they visit the beaches though they have better beaches in their own country ...and visit zoos while they can do that by watching animal planet and discovery... but tell me...frankly which TV channel is going to show TASMAC on it they will only show things that very few indians have been.... so most of the firangs and the tourists are gonna miss it....

ppl have a strange way of drinking daru....so do i... over here in TASMAC...ppl buy good quality alcohol... but the way of drinking it is like they are raping toy doll and they dont want to be cought.... its a quick thing.... aao... daru ke batlee kholo... plastic ke glass mein u make 2 huge pegs and add very lil water....and drink like we drank boost or horlicks when we were kids...... and get the fuck out of the TASMAC shop.

so the good question ...is.... what the fuck was in doing there ?...in TASMAC.... i mean all these 5 months i spend so far here...i always wanted to see what is the feeling like to have daru in a TASMAC shop....

i cudnt go inside without any alcohol and keep staring at others and observing
so i sit in the first available table and have my bullet beer :) guess what was on the lable of the beer who is a part of the great UB group..... it said liquor is injurious to health and liquor destroys the country..no wonder they didint mention whos country it destroys....

....and there this oldie regular fella comes in...with a local brand of whisky and a plastic glass and a water packet. so the atttenders all know him since he is regular....and make his peg for him...and the peg scared the shit out if me... a bloody approx 130 ml ka extra large peg :| ...and then 30 ml water....no ice .... and the old fucker goes as if there is a competition.... finishes more than half of the fluid in that glass and ...gosh how the fuck can i explain... mera gand phaad diya sale ne...i thought buddha aaj tapake ne mood mein hai... i was no longer intertested in my beer.. the old mans eyes were red.... watery....

many ppl came and left... before i cud finish my beer as if they were all in a hurry... gand mein aag lagi ho ootni teji se daru peeke sablog kamti ho rahe the....

thats enuf... i had a idiotic experience .... he spoke to me in broken tamil and kept saying that he loved pali hill and cuff parade ... that he once visited in mumbai... and then a lil bit of dharavi, sion and matunga ..... i left with my brain numb....i felt sorry....but i didnt know, who that sorry feeling was for.....


coming back to the time when the baBa got cheated....

so i am waiting for my bus to coimbatore ( the only heaven in Tamil Nadu ... perosonal POV again all those who disgree can go fuck themselves and not worry about STDS :| )

so to kill 3 long hours i go to chennai international hotel its next to the OMNI bus stand in koyembedu lol international to fool all those idiots who still think that made in india is no good.... whatever...

so i have no human company...apart from the bar tender but in the end i refuse to call him a human...and the tata sky connection playing channel V ...and iris was on get gorgious 5
for all those who might think who the hell is...she... she was our Junior in school and her grand paa used to teach us football .... bad way to keeel time....

at the end of the show he said... i had 6 small pegs of OLD monk gold reserve ....and i was like...dude...either i have become a bewdaa... or u are lyeing ... i must have had not more then 4 :)

PS : old monk is awesome...

i was not in the mood to irritate him coz i feared i wud miss my bus to coimbatore and what if they decide to molest me.... i mean.. i had had a nice bath with moti sandle soap and garnier frutis shampoo in the morning... so ...i dreaded of gettting touched ( bull crap )

and the sad part is i had already swiped my card first and then later saw my bill :(


end of the day.... i was a big CHUTIYA ....pehle paisa diya....fir bill check kiya ....



so at the end if u have managed to read this blog so far ... congrats :)

hip hip burp :) hip hip burp :) hip hip burp :)
hip hip burp :) hip hip burp :)
hip hip burp :)
:)

PS : tasmac must go... hope karunanidhi and jayalalitha get marreid have kids, send their kids to a hindi medium school and get settled in patna :)


moral of the story : please check the bill before swiping the card specially in a Bar .

நன்றி




raKH05041982