a crazY littel things called LOVEDA...

LOVEDA...loveda lag gaya zindagy kaa...deep down south...aisa lagata tha ek din ek hafte ke barabar hia...dimaag mein itni chutiyagiri ho rahi thee kee...aise lag raha tha butterNan playing football with my heart in my head was much more fun...sala her ek din...woich tensionor sales target...EOD dimmaga ka bhosada ho jaata tha...pata tha jab yeh sab khatam ho jaayega ...sala poorani kabar khodke poorani baante and yaadon ko sochke bada majja ayega....jhendu ke phool ki tarah dil khil jaayega...

out of the many things..yeah many things....i know i wont miss many of them...

i mean if a man had nothing gr8 happening in his life... i am sure he will start appreciating all the chutiyagiri happening around him...he will surely enjoy it...

if i went shouting loveda loveda loveda...i would get slapped in mumbai...this fear once came true when the off duty cop who had the balls of frustrated trapped anger to slap me on a muthafukin DIWALI day...yeah that was like a big cracker bursting right on my face....chutiya burhaan wanted to buy chaddi....and to buy chaddi he comes all the way to vashi from kharghar....its not like ppl in kharghar mein log undies nahi pehan te....the reason is there is a famous chaddi-baniyan shop in the lane next to golden punjab and navratna....right next to jhama in sector 17 vashi..

we chediots (chediots are nothing but chutiyaas who are also idiots).... ho ho ho...it was our fav adda.... sitting on bikes parked in from on navratana...adda for getting together....chill out...drool on the hot girls and aunty's who came shopping in the sec 17 market...buy chhota baatlees of wodkaa and then flip open the bottle of sprite...gulp 3/4th of the sprite the bitter way..and then mix the two miscible liquids.... the chhota baatlee in the remaining 1/4th sprite...then the ritual used to be ..waiter will try to show that he is a true lost maharashtrian indian...dance with the sprite baatlee having wodka like a bartender...sprinkle 4 drops of daru for the ppl who are not with us...and then drink the sweet concentrate to glory...me..mikhail..lez...waiter...claude.. and others.....

chutiyagiri to hona hi tha...burhaan was with romstone...and usual we have a healthy exercise of words of wisdom.... parade of galis begin... bencho...bhosdaaa...maa ki aaag...it was like we are full of them..... i tell burhaan, jab woh patlee gali se kamati ho raha tha.... LOVEDAy...( in proper bumbaiyaa style)... apni size ki chaddi kharidnaa..and then burhaan with his loud mouth goes...blah blah blah....loveda bada hai to meri kya galti...and i say...jaa be loveday...jaa...undie kharid...

and then i dont remember what happpen...there is that gap ...i dont remember anything.... next think i remember a khaki...is in front of me, me surprised...trying to take my case....woh maamoo ka gussa pata nahi kahan se aaya...apne chhote nanhe ke saamne hi raises his had ...ONE TIGHT SLAP...silence...then pandu thoda much much kiya...and in few more seconds we left the scene....

LOVEDA bola....jhapad khaya :|

i still couldnt figure out ....whats with this crazy little thing..word loveda....the best thing in chennai, or coimbatore, or in madurai...or TN for that matter....there would not be any police who would slap me if i went on a parade shouting out loud loveda loveda loveda...why ?... its simple.... love is nothing but love...and "da" is a fix they use....like in mumbai we use "re" or "be"...

coming back to missing things...the list may be long...but few are like...

i miss that dude who looked ditto like forest whitaker, who didnt understand a phaaaking word of hindi, he made excellent cofee...the MR bakery on Gokhale road off cross cut road in ramnagar in coimbatore and the small coffee shop behind murugan temple in vadapalani in chennai...who made coffee even better but always insisted on mee eating cookies and bananas...

miss that ultra fucked up amman mess ...what a mess that mess was in...where the parotta with kurma was a killer...and half boil....ha ha ha...half boil is actually a half fry egg...frankly i stopped giving a damn...coz the taste was as good as ghar ka khana....

miss aachi mess in tatabad was homefood....and so was the mess close to aachi...which was special for its non-veg...

miss Sathyam Cinemas which could have easily become a living room with awesome surround dolby sound, full time working AC, and a source of innocent ego-free pop-corns...if i was to stay in chennai for longer than a year....

marina was a playground...Thiruvanmayur beach was the best open house bar...miss them

i miss walking randomly on the streets of T-nagar....it was a hopeful place...where i always dreamed of bumping into the awesomo butterNan ....but only dreams of true color come true....mOnOchromatic dreams are hard to come true...

the dude who used to give me and mangesh a happy smile everytime we went to buy coke and chakhnaa..those plastic glasses are being missed....those green TASMAC boards...
and that dudes elder bro...whos tamilish ( a mix of tamil and english) persuaded me to buy a tata sky connection....(fuck...there was no way i would miss euro cup)

that lady who took gr8 deal of interest in making mootai-lapa or mootai-podimas and who would enquire about where we had dinner last night every time we skipped dinner at her shop....and showed that she cares...and she did.

miss hanging out with keshavmoorthy and velayutham swamy ...who took much interest in teaching me tamil, withouth them i would be gangraped in coimbatore and chennai... abdul bhai, who was a complete timepass character.....it was fun teaching him few hindi words....

i miss curd rice, oorga...pappad

miss those 2 bloody mechanics who conned me into buying a fucked up bike and feeling happy about it...mayeer is what i called them in my mind ....the only slang i learnt...down south... sometimes, the things that interest you the most are never tought....you gotta learn them on your own...in this case, I chose not to learn how or wha they say ....those slangs in tamil....slangs are common in mumbai and north...madarchode, behahchode...i still dont know how they say it in tamil....i knew i would never need to use them in a land of so many GODS...

all i know is...I was an interesting character before living in tamil nadu.....Now i am an even more frigging special interesting character....

above all....i miss the way i used to miss my life in tamil nadu...i miss the way i used to miss mumbai/bombay....i miss the way i missed my friends... the way mumbaikars struggle it out...the way they fight to keep their miserable lives above the bare minimum happiness level...the way they slap all the stress and bounce back like a ping pong ball everyday in the morning (few of the mumbaikars ounce at night)....the way we use madarchode benchode and not actually mean it...the way we laugh it out when we miss the local train despite doing everything on time....the way we eat a vadapav as a treat from a chindhy rich friend....the way auto-rickshaw-wallahs charge you by the meter...and nothing more...the way the food kooked in slums, packed nicely by young kids in unclean plastic is consumed with satisfaction buy the middleclass...the leafy vegetables grown from the gutter/sewage ka pani on the sides of railway track, are treated as a healthy organic food....i missed it all....

sometimes it is necessary to separate yourself from the city you love ....only to fall in love with it all over again...


PS :"love da....benchode" & "maa-chudi"....are my most frequently used fav galis.


raKH05041982

perplexed thoughts of a bewildered mind of a disoriented boy.

fuck...life is a bych....and i seriously need to play a pimp... i need to learn to hustle... i need to be bad... i need to learn to be mean... i need to be a ...what a typical niggah would say...in snoop dogg style... a muthafukn hustler...

bloody hell...slept like a pig... the whole fucking night...yesterday night...slpt the fuckin full morning... why....coz i was tired... the fever and the food poisoning had fucked up the chemical combination and hormones were all running loose in random directions....

dint speak to more than 3 ppl in the whole day... the chaiwala... the medical shopkeeper who gave me that awesome cough syrup....god..that really helps me sleep like a pig.... i am a fan....and the third one is me... yeah i was talking to me in the mirror... somehow i feel that me in the mirror is always smarter than me...

and at 6 30 chhota boss calls me up..says call bada boss... bada boss is always in straight forward mood... he said... come and meet me.... and from there go to mumbai... ...fuck.. i mean..i was dying to get back to mumbai....i was so frigging desperate to go back to mumbai... and i was not really expecting such a fast procedure to gop back...but neverthless...i am tired of living in chennai... a part of me is still in chennai... and then a part of me is going to in coimbatore... i am tired of eating funny food.... though its healthy.... i mean...i can go on ...on... on... but i need to stop, this time. its not really a bad place to live in. once u go with the flow...i am sure anyone will enjoy.. this place...

its like that white skinned 86 year young firang dadi-maa i met in sulochana spinning mills on the metttupalayam road... bhadwee is staying in kothagiri for the last 30 years...running a descent international school ...speaking fluent tamil...enjoying her last few years of insane life... enjoying her coffee and idlee dosa...spoke to her and asked her.... how did she like this place... she said...i just liked it... those bloody lovely hippies...surely knew where to find peace....( kothagiri is in the nilgiri's)


so i guess i shall find myself in mumbai in few more days...just need to sort a few things.......gosh... bombay was so much better...it shounded more hip and less ghati :P

will watch saroja today....night show... hope the movie is a good one...and it wud be mooolah well spent. have to take care of few things. will love all.

peace comes in small pieces at times.

raKH05041982

TASMAC must go :@

there is absolutely no regrets... life teaches many things even when we are out of school..

no regrets....
didnt feel like abusing that bastard ...didnt feel like bashing that mofo ( always read mofo as motherfuker) .... fucking got duped in the bar in chennai ( yaaron...hasna mat... daru pine ke baad apna haal to is equation ki tarah ho jaata hai ----> SUPERMAN - few senses = baBa ).... i mean there are no simple bars in chennai .... sab ke sab maa chudi ... self proclaimed 3 star and 4 star. but the feeling of getting semi-drunk and getting gypped by a "anna" bar tender is also an experience. i mean life is all about experiencing different experiences....but the best part of this is everytime u get a different exp even though the same thing is heppening around ....

lets drift to a wonderful experience baBa had in coimbatore :P
its like one of the sundays when i had nothing to do in coimbatore ...i went to this place called TASMAC.

TASMAC is a govt controled BAR that no sane person wud like to visit. there is a wine shop and next to it is a small dingy place to have that alcohol. u might be lucky to have service in that TASMAC bar. or else u just buy a liqour bottle, a plastic glass and a water packet and rock and roll ..

trust me...i am not able to explain it properly...over here... u gotta see it to believe it.... i wud say...all these firangs come and visit places of no significance according to me... they visit the temples when the god is within them , they visit the beaches though they have better beaches in their own country ...and visit zoos while they can do that by watching animal planet and discovery... but tell me...frankly which TV channel is going to show TASMAC on it they will only show things that very few indians have been.... so most of the firangs and the tourists are gonna miss it....

ppl have a strange way of drinking daru....so do i... over here in TASMAC...ppl buy good quality alcohol... but the way of drinking it is like they are raping toy doll and they dont want to be cought.... its a quick thing.... aao... daru ke batlee kholo... plastic ke glass mein u make 2 huge pegs and add very lil water....and drink like we drank boost or horlicks when we were kids...... and get the fuck out of the TASMAC shop.

so the good question ...is.... what the fuck was in doing there ?...in TASMAC.... i mean all these 5 months i spend so far here...i always wanted to see what is the feeling like to have daru in a TASMAC shop....

i cudnt go inside without any alcohol and keep staring at others and observing
so i sit in the first available table and have my bullet beer :) guess what was on the lable of the beer who is a part of the great UB group..... it said liquor is injurious to health and liquor destroys the country..no wonder they didint mention whos country it destroys....

....and there this oldie regular fella comes in...with a local brand of whisky and a plastic glass and a water packet. so the atttenders all know him since he is regular....and make his peg for him...and the peg scared the shit out if me... a bloody approx 130 ml ka extra large peg :| ...and then 30 ml water....no ice .... and the old fucker goes as if there is a competition.... finishes more than half of the fluid in that glass and ...gosh how the fuck can i explain... mera gand phaad diya sale ne...i thought buddha aaj tapake ne mood mein hai... i was no longer intertested in my beer.. the old mans eyes were red.... watery....

many ppl came and left... before i cud finish my beer as if they were all in a hurry... gand mein aag lagi ho ootni teji se daru peeke sablog kamti ho rahe the....

thats enuf... i had a idiotic experience .... he spoke to me in broken tamil and kept saying that he loved pali hill and cuff parade ... that he once visited in mumbai... and then a lil bit of dharavi, sion and matunga ..... i left with my brain numb....i felt sorry....but i didnt know, who that sorry feeling was for.....


coming back to the time when the baBa got cheated....

so i am waiting for my bus to coimbatore ( the only heaven in Tamil Nadu ... perosonal POV again all those who disgree can go fuck themselves and not worry about STDS :| )

so to kill 3 long hours i go to chennai international hotel its next to the OMNI bus stand in koyembedu lol international to fool all those idiots who still think that made in india is no good.... whatever...

so i have no human company...apart from the bar tender but in the end i refuse to call him a human...and the tata sky connection playing channel V ...and iris was on get gorgious 5
for all those who might think who the hell is...she... she was our Junior in school and her grand paa used to teach us football .... bad way to keeel time....

at the end of the show he said... i had 6 small pegs of OLD monk gold reserve ....and i was like...dude...either i have become a bewdaa... or u are lyeing ... i must have had not more then 4 :)

PS : old monk is awesome...

i was not in the mood to irritate him coz i feared i wud miss my bus to coimbatore and what if they decide to molest me.... i mean.. i had had a nice bath with moti sandle soap and garnier frutis shampoo in the morning... so ...i dreaded of gettting touched ( bull crap )

and the sad part is i had already swiped my card first and then later saw my bill :(


end of the day.... i was a big CHUTIYA ....pehle paisa diya....fir bill check kiya ....



so at the end if u have managed to read this blog so far ... congrats :)

hip hip burp :) hip hip burp :) hip hip burp :)
hip hip burp :) hip hip burp :)
hip hip burp :)
:)

PS : tasmac must go... hope karunanidhi and jayalalitha get marreid have kids, send their kids to a hindi medium school and get settled in patna :)


moral of the story : please check the bill before swiping the card specially in a Bar .

நன்றி




raKH05041982

baBa's XP-rence and life in a big metropolitan village called chennai in INDIA

PS : discard this blog if u are having improper bowel movements.....this blog will not help you... may be try jamalGOTA or kayam chooran


lots of things that we mumbaikars mite find irritating...in this city who is fast aping to be like mumbai....

the most important thing... its a hot city...as in the chicks are not really hot...but the weather is.... so u can wear a lungi... but its completely allright to not wear anything inside the lungi...( just dont get drunk and loose ur lungi)

not so good things
ppl go to sleep by 10 pm
hotels don't take orders after 10 30 pm
railway stations are empty after 10 30 pm
buses are dead crowded
ppl can pee where ever they like..... ( u can even pee right opposite to the famous temples with ur back facing to women.. )
no descent wine shops
very few bars
loads of tamil telgu malayalam and kannada tv channels....very few hindi...u ll be surprised to when u are stayin in some hotel....
no directions on the road...but loads of glowsigns asking u to wear helmates and not use cell phone while driving....
language is like jeelebies....
even the north indians who have settles here for ages prefer to speak in tamil... :(
local muslims might not know urdu....but they speak fluent tamil
lots of one ways....u dont understand how to reach a destination.....
no roads bigger then 100feet
lots of lungis indicating the temperature of the city... higher the lungi....higher is the temperature...
no meter in autos ( minimum fare for a person not knowing tamil is Rs 50 )
very strict police.. no helmet....u are dead meet.... riding bike after midnight.... naka bandi every hwere.... (kahan se aaya ...kahan jaa raha hai....sab batana padta ahi.... movies se aa raha hoon bataya to ...proof ke liye movie tickets is a must )
local water sucks..... its hard as a desperat cock....(eeks....a dirty comparison)... metro water is just getting popular...
no rotis, no chapatis ... only in very expensive restaurants... in descent hotels 2 rotis for 25 bucks ) but u phackin dont get choice of vegetables... they serve something called KURMA..u better eat those funny chapatis with that kurma....
police here look like the RAWAN from ramayana...big phaaacking big moushtaches ...i wonder how they kiss their wife...or neighbour's wife....
no paneer
no vada pav
no shivsena :D
no raj thakrey (ohhh.... fuck that bastard ...he is bloody trying to drive away the mumbai's true asset..the bloody biharis...who have dignity of labour)
no taxis...only call a cab service ( i wonder how much they would charge if they didnt obey the meter rules )
no hangout zones
no toto's
no not just jazz by the bay
u cant use the fly overs in the night :P
no street lights on all roads
ppl dance and play loud music when some one is being taken to the samshaan ( burning/burial ground ) ( majorly only the lower classes do that....but i kinda now like the idea.... )


and fucking lots of things....that are fucking different here..... which are not comin to my mind as of now..... ill keep u mofos.. posted...


a fact... i easily end up drinking more then 3 liters of water and 200ml of chai or coffee.... but i only pee once a day .... coz i sweat like a desperate pig :P



good things...

the biggest loo is marina beach...pee anywhere....there is water everywhere....
u dont have to pee again and again....its really a boon for lazy assholes like me....
its dead cheap.... the public transport... trains and railway
food is cheap... Rs. 22 thali...i bet no one will finish.... only a huge bowl of rice and unlimited sabjees and sambhar
u can buy cheap mineral water ....200 ml packet of min water for rs 1 ...only....
the buses have english boards... unlike the BEST buses in mumbai....who have only idiotic marathi which most of my friends cant read :(
the multiplexex are cheap....and food serverd in them is phattey cheap...
extra king kong popcorn and a liter of coke only for 90 rs..... wake up mumbai... :@
all ladies compulsoraly wear a huge long mogra ka gajara...so when u are in a crowded bus...stand next to one of the female... u can smell the nice scent of mogra ...rather than standing next to a anna and sharing ur sweat with him.... ( just dont Phacking get cought.. )
not many eat gutkha or 420 kacha pakka elaichi paan with bhola.. so they dont spit and draw what some call it modern art..... ( mumbai need to ban pan and gutkha :@ . . . )
SUNDAY is actually a public holiday... unlike in mumbai...where most of the fuckups happen on a bloody sunday...sunday bloody sunday.....

this city will teach one a lot of things.... only thing is ... most of it which one might not want 2learn


and i cant think of any more....good things.....coz my brain is overheating....

finally...
all those who wish to dis-agree can be my guest....this is my POV (point of view)
rest can go fuck themselves.... and if u do succeed....ill suggest his/her name for the Oscars.....

i wonder how that god called Ram survived...man many years back.....then there was no public transport also.... no internet... no tv...no FM... no mobiles.... no porno...... :O ( but he had a friend called hanuman :) )


PS : discard this blog if u are having improper bowel movements.....its really not gonna help :X
PS2 : is expensive...Sony shud slash the prices....
PS3 : remember this...when a girl says that her deadline in this city is 10 30... she is celestially blessed...and her deadline is like a girl staying in mumbai with a deadline of 2 AM ( the phaaaacked up city sleeps damn early....even the phacking public transport sleeps early )...who cares about the guys...


anna's and akka's and tata's and pati... (maaf karo if u dont like this blog... its not to yuntertain u... anywyas... )



peace :)

raKH05041982