war trouble in the head :(

i still have not figured out to a way to be happy.. the harder i try to run away from reality.. the faster i sink in a sea of sadness :(

i am not sure why this is happening to me... there are so many ppl with more trouble in life.. but yet a smile exists on their face... life is not unfair enough to end it..but life is not fair enough too live it too...

there is a fucking war going down in Libya..   as of now i just want to thank god that i am not there ...
its much better down here in navi mumbai.... i get to go to a lounge later tonight and watch the man u Vs. Chelsea match with a cold glass of sprite... alcohol is out of the question as i am still recovering from a deadly bacterial infection....

i guess i just need to keep the mind occupied and focus on good things in life...

raKH05041982

light at the end of the tunnel...

....


the world is a cruel place to live in....
every time you are about to give up...
u c a light at the end of the tunnel...
god is sitting at the other end smoking a joint..
and all u smell is hope...
you reach out to him ...only to find out ...
saale ne akele akele poora joint foonk diya!! ;)


sometimes crazy thoughts make sense!! 


raKH05041982

dreams....

i had a yet another fucked 2 crazy dreams...i guess i dont remember 100% of the dream but they were something like this....

the first was about a worm that i found was living in my left ear.. he had a castle made out of wax and had a lot of food supplies which included dry fruits...he thought that i harbored him as a pet.. i think he was invading my private property... bloody invader kahin kaa!!

and the other was the 1 in which my jaw fell apart (no blood - blood would have killed my dream) and i am holding it back my hand trying to convince some women.. i am not wrong..it was not my fault... but still i am sorry... (since then i am a cynic...)

but somehow life is still beautiful..
:p

i guess i need to start meditating..exercise... drive all the evil away and control alcohol ..(but somehow oldMONK will be spared)

agar zindagy mein naa dikhawa hota...
aur mout ek khwaab hota.. 
to afsos dharti per hi narak hota
chahe charo aur khuda kyun naa hota..

raKH05041982

life ...

u meet d most interesting ppl in the least expected way at the most un-thought of place.. But only at d right time.. Life is then beautiful.. Go out there.. Explore.. Cherish and enjoy it!!

i met a bastard cop.. i met irritating constipating fellow travelers on the train...i met a poor riksha puller who was very happy to take the mango drink as baksheesh ... i met an amazing old but new friend... i met a gay who is smarter and sane than most of us straight men...i met a girl who is mad about my amazing old but new friend.... i met yet another old friend...i met my crazy friend who still forgives me for being mean to him and pull a prank on him at every opportunity... i met a happy Nepali guy who was happy to travel with his folks to a temple in his youth... i met a stranger who became my good friend...i met 2 american pot heads who were madly in love with INDIA.... i met a business man who showed more faith in me than my fellow passengers on rajdhani...i met poor street vendors who had a bigger smile on their face than rich shop keepers.. i met a monk with strange insane sense of humor who kept my bottle of rum in safe custody till i took a look at his temple and his god... i met a schizophrenic women who looked gorgeous even at her old age...i met and old schoolmate with her husband and her beautiful daughter... i met and amazing baker.. i met a autowalah who charged me by the meter in Delhi knowing the fact that i am a tired tourist with a big haversack ...i met a guy who didn't utter a single word through out his 16 hour journey on train....

i met a different part of me which i didn't know existed...

i met peace.. i met nature.. i met a FRIEND...i met LOVE.. i almost met GOD!!!!!!

thank you Mcleod Ganj... thank you Dharamkot.. !!

raKH05041982

something...of a dream

some dreams are so real that you don't ever want to wake up... they are so real that u never know when they get over...

i mean the day you remember the end of your dream.. the dream is not real.. coz your sub-conscious mind is too strong... it has complete control over what you wish to dream

yesterdays dream was a fantasy ...just don't remember how it ended...but the end must have made me proud... seemed so real that for the first time my conscious and  sub-conscious were at sync.... she must have been the real goddess in my dream and i must have been her worshiper ...

there was no influence of alcohol.. just the peaceful sleep i had wish for...there was no wish of dreaming about her... but it happened ultimate randomly that why its very important...


PS: just a random thought

something tells me.. i am tired... tired of something... i guess ill stop doing something and start doing something... i hope i find something interesting .. and that something keeps me ALIVE!!


raKH05041982

blind!! only the blind dream!!

when u are in love...life is really has a different meaning...all together...
i mean i always thought ... i am normal...but now i know i am special... like they call the spastic ppl...special !!!

she troubles me... i am so scared to look into her eyes.. if she is smart...she will read through my eyes... and i will have no answer ..only a lot of love to offer her.....

she makes my knees weak... she drives me nuts... and she kills me again and again only to bring me back to life with a lot more love... every time!!

all of my love...all of my love.... all of my love....!!

only the blind dream!!


raKH05041982

life and wise men... and directionless thought !!

the faster you run away from it.. the more frustrating it gets...and if you get closer ..you want to run away from it.. LIFE!!


when the wise men say... life is the best teacher.. it sounds funny... but when you experience it first hand..u want to kill the wise man.... may be if he didn't tell you the truth about life... you would have never figured it out :D


a phraand (Kshitij Chawla) recently posted a very nice comment on Facebook.. (if i had to mess with his name i wud say... shit is chawla :-/ ... but he is a good phraand whom i have not met...so many if he read this...and may be if we meet...he slap me )


Zindagi majboori hai. Conceive huye majboor thhey, paida huye majboor thhey. Majbori thi toh school chaley gaye, ladki patana biological majboori ban gaya. Ab majboori mein khana banana seekh rahe hain...


lucky bastard i must say... khana banana ek super duper timepass hai... it helps you forget about life... especially if you are cooking non-veg...


Luhar Sinsahk daru peena bhi majboori hai... jindagy sab seekha deti hai....


Parag Misra zindagi majboori hai...but kya kare khelna bhi zaroori hai aur pelna bhi...


so confusing... so frustrating... cant understand i am happy or sad ... dont understand if this was supposed to be a happy post...a sad post...or funny 1... or sarcastic 1... 


there is random music playing and its controlling my  4 sense.... the fifth 1 is controlling the 6th sense....


SP... where the fuck have you disappeared?? 

PS: not drunk...not high...not sober.. not hungry... not bored...not entertained.. not tired.. not handicapped... just misplaced in time.. and thoughts :)
raKH05041982

fuck me up!!

its so easy to fuck with me...and my mind... and put me in a downward spiral... its just not funny..

but the best part is....i am a goldfish...  my memory is like a goldfish... i go to sleep...and i forget everything...

and then some sweet motherfucker will fuck my brains out...completely... !!
and then i solve the issue with a nice 8 hour sleep!!


dude...u must have been kidding...but it fucked my mind completely... i hope u were kidding!! its really not what i wanted to hear at this moment of time...may be after a few more days...

raKH05041982

oh she looked so beautiful today!!!!

saw her exactly after a week....and i couldn't help my self more...all i did was stare at her... a couple of times and thanked GOD for the moment!!

OH!! she looked so beautiful today!!!

when she leaves her hair open...i want to be the breez...that play with her long black hair..  and when she is tensed i want to be the joke ... who will put a smile on her face... 


sala samay thamtaa bhi nahi hai... ooske saamne!!


raKH05041982

The endless river Forever and ever ...

its good when life finds its own path..just like a river... but the fuck up is good rivers have awesome water falls... so a awesome life WILL have good falls!!

the only thing u need to do is gather yourself... and move on...

its not difficult ...
its not easy...
its crazy...
its normal...

since.. i am sober today...i am high on music... to cut it short...

The grass was greener
The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter
The nights of wonder
With friends surrounded
The dawn mist glowing
The water flowing
The endless river


Forever and ever

taken from pink floyd's the division bell... "high hopes"

below is what is my clear POV... bear with it..

they made real good music ... they showed us a new way of looking it life in a way that we enjoy... that is trough music...

they conquered the world.. but in the end they were still human... they made mistakes and pretty impressive mistakes... they fought like kids little kids on the streets and they fought like split couples...

but EMOTIONS got them... and live8 was a good platform to get back together.. for 1 final gig on earth..together as the legendary PINK FLOYD (Richard packed his bags soon after that )

the next 1 together will definitely be " the great GIG in the SKY"

not sure who will go next...but it can be you or me... very much before David Roger and Nick!!!

pink floyd at live8 - (L-R) David, Roger, Nick, Richard


one line that i love from this album - from the song poles apart...
"i never thought you would lose the light in your eyes..."

kiske liye likha hai yeh line??

raKH05041982

lie to me...

they teach us "happiness is just around the corner"...lekin bada hone ke baad we learn "bhenchod!! the earth is kinda round" :
they lie to us again and again...and we believe them again and again....




i am what this song says....


Can't run fast enough
Can't hide I can't fly
I'm struggling with the limits of this ordinary life

I'm just a
Just a
Just a first try

I'm just a
Just a
Just a first try

Can't hear what you say
Can't see by the light
I'm struggling with the limits of this ordinary life

I'm just a
Just a
Just a first try

I'm just a
Just a
Just a first try

Can't say what I mean
Can't love from the heart
Can't trust in the mercy and the goodness in the world
Can't learn to accept that it's alright
To struggle with the limits of this ordinary life

Can't be
Just a
Just a
Just a first try
Can't be
Just a
Just a
Just a first try
Just a
Just a
Just a first try


taken from tracy chapmans telking stories album - its called FIRST try!!


raKH05041982

hmmm....

this guy who invited me to the wrong blog for collaborating must really be talli tonite ;)

can't find a good ass pic to post for him, lucky for him Google is slow!

gimme the right rights, dude!

pearl floyd zeppelin !!

then there are times i wondered why aint i a rock star??... i mean ...kisi ke baap ka kya jaata ...if i were eddie...if i were roger....if i were robert....jimmy...david...for that matter ...fucking curt cobain... atleast i wud have my time when i wud sing rape me on the fuckin stage and audience wud love me...

unhone apne peechle janam mein kya gul khilaye the ki woh is zindagy mein itne bade stars bane....

i mean why aren't u the one who invented the telephone...why are u not the 1 who invented old monk...

i wish i cud do something for which ppl wud remember for a very long time.......

i better STFU!! and get on with my life !!

raKH05041982

46.5 kgs!!

46.6 kgs is what it took ...took to teach me a lesson... there are 2 kind of beauty...

i was wrong... i was very very wrong.....
u need to look within ...and then when u need to look outwards from within...
when u are trying to look within...if u are drunk or blind it helps...
but when u are looking outwards from withing.. please make sure the eyes are open...and muthafuckr is not drunk...
drinking does not solve any problem... but it can really please ur senses at times...

when u look within...u get to see the beauty that the whole world sees...
but when u see outside...u get to learn how different the person really is...
actually its not that the person is different....
its a fact that u din't/don't want the person to be like that...
coz you have a certain picture created in your chronic mind...
its like you have built walls for your thoughts and there is only 1 exit ...
and the exists only leads to disappointment of a certain kind.... a
and this disappointment makes u think so hard that the mind hurts...
and this is when at times in life u feel alive!! ...

some ppl know whats best for them and sometimes these things that you want can never come in a single package..
so at every point... these ppl are forced to make complicated mistakes and be proud of it....
at 1 point of time it seems irrelevant and at other times is just perfect...
life gets comfortable when u start making complicated mistakes...
this is the time we think that we have figured it all out and then boom... life changes!!
you make a wrong move you do not make a mistake....

no wonder ppl hate crossroads ... specially when all the four directions suit you...

pink suits her...blond suits her... black suits me...blond suits me.. playing suits her...playing along suits me....retro suits her ... rock'n'roll suits me.. beer suits her... alcohol suits me...

i think ...she suits me perfect...and i know me well when i am making complicated mistakes...

raKH05041982

simple....

its really not at all simple.....life...
if you are a human....

raKH05041982

wajan ghataye ke liye paani peejiye

there are many who love to drink...and u know i am talking about rum or whiskey...so do i... and jab se i have stopped having them with the super all mighty fucked up black cola...i am able to control my wajan...

no no...this is not the wajan u through about to get things done under the table or behind the curtains.. i am talking about the charbi ....excess sugar which i stored on us...

water got in...and black colored colas out...and i am healthy again....

who ever said rum + coke must have not really needed all those calories....

PS: the internet loneliness alcohol is back in life...should help in updating blog at regular intervals...
PS: wajan ghatane ke liye...cola nahi pani peejiye.. :D
PS2: is outdated
PS3 is very expensive.
:|

raKH05041982

chutiyapa...

charo aur chutiyapa chhaya hai... thank god there are only 4 sides :)

raKH05041982

aapko beer peeni hai.. ladki ke 7 wapis aaO...

now all know that when it comes to choosing between a women and a beer...a man will choose a ....BEER ;)

so me and satya....two floydian and classic rock lovers are meeting after a long time...and want to do gala garam ....bole to...want to have a drink....

we decide since the vatawaran (ambiance) will be more suitable in cafe Morrison.... lets go to cafe Morrison...

pine ke 7 acchha gana bhi ho jayega....

so we head from pragati maidan to south extn ....and then since both we chuts dont know the address...we as poor street vendors the address for cafe Morrison... lol...now surely they wont know the address...so we ask them...do u know where b 12 is... b 12 is the plot number i gues...which is not the right address...so we look around ...beat around the bush for 30 mins...and then come back to the same spot we started.... actually tired...thirsty...

finally we spot "the spot"... i.e. cafe morrison in front of the tapriwala (smoke seller)"...and run towards it...as if it is a oasis in the middle of a dessert ...

the bastard bouncers refuse to let us in...

simple...we are not accompanied by 2 women :O

saar...only couple entry....hai... aap dono londe ander jaana mana hai...and we are like....maa chudi...

for a beer...and whisky in my case.... we even said...under section 377 ...even two guys can be a couple...we beg ..please let us in....they refuse....bhadwas in the end were just following orders...so not their fault...

we ask...aaj friday hai ..isliye kya?...they say... "no saaar"...

friday saturday sunday and wednesday...only couple entry... aapko beer peeni hai.. ladki ke 7 wapis aaO...

lag gaye naa bhosade...i told satya....satya has nothing to say...but to curse me...;)

in the end we go to CP...and finally have a drink...

we started heading towards cafe morrison at 6 40....and managed to grab a drink only at 9 15 and that too not at cafe morrison....

sab maaf .... in the end :)

this is the worst thing that has happend to modern India...to drink a beer in a decent place ...u need a female partner....
and in a city like delhi... to find a decent place to chill out.. can be so painful...


raKH05041982

they say listen to your heart... but there can be a beeg problem when the heart and the mind is not in sync... and when that happens.. you go mad... you do many things to get the sync back... but it only happens when your mind is relaxed... and your heart is not beating fast...

its been a long time since i have found my heart in sync with my mind... but now that i "think" it is in sync... i actually don't really know the real taste of vodka..too much of whisky can be little dangerous.. definitely not in sync...

the last time i remember drinking vodka ... was back in the day of engineering.. it was fun then....dehla coat + daru + live concerts + friends and no one to fucking care about what time are you going to be back home.... coz everywhere we were...was home ..

sala tab jeb mein bahot kam paise hote the...lekin fir bhi gand nahi phat-ti thee.. aaj kal jeb mein paise hai..credit card hai.. and 7 mein gand bhi phati padi hai.. lakh koshish karne pe bhi.. woh feeling nahi aati..


what have i figured out so far.. some are supposed to be assholes while others are supposed to be cunts... no matter what we do ..we can not change the facts.. this same assholes and cunts of misery can fuck the free flow in life..

u try hard not to let them effect your life... but as the heart and the mind is not in sync.. you fail...
but unfortunately these assholes and cunts teach you the things they never teach in school...

last monsoon i wanted to enjoy..but sala jeb mein paisa nahi thaa....to socha is monsoon mein aish karega... and guess what...this monsoon mein bhi jeb mein footi kaudi nahi hai... but next monsoon mein karari notein hogi...education loan jo khatam hone wala hai...



raKH05041982

polynation of the distressed mind :|

one question that always tricks me is.. where does motivation hide is us?....
few ppl get motivation from motivational quotes ...why is it so hard to beleive ??

chhota ess is all mad....chhota ess tried to make ends meet...as long as ends met...bada es was happy... bada es is mean... es had a tough life...ess had a relatively easy life... yum always must have been a filthy bych... and when the three of them met...the stars must have had a diarrhea... they stopped shinign all of a sudden...

the thing is... if u want to lick ass....let it be a completely insane xxx... else... its gonna suck so bad... that it will be like a case where at a gun point u are suppose to chew a gum for 24 hours... without a break.

haanji haanji...aapki sabse jyaada lal sir jee...aap kare to chamarkaar ...hum kare to balatkaar...dusra koi aur karen to touba touba... :-| ....this does not work... absolutely not... coz there is no mouth in this world who can suck/chew for a life time... there is a simple reason... we all have ego....

yum is a beeeg fan of dadhi.. dadhi gives advice that ppl already learned in their 1st grade, but have forgotten over the years ..i am sure dadhi is as evil as anyother human being in this world...

..

ego...we alsywas feel that we shud not have ego...but ...ego helps...it helps a lot... if there was not ego..suckors would be true suxXors.....

ess has a heart... es has no heart... yum has a heart but has absolutely no idea about it. the other charateres are just mere spectators ... they nag, they crib, ...they even curse.. but it take three to tango..thigs will not change...even if they change ... the change is ineffective....

s has made a truce with life... but he is happy... everybody has to to work...spend time...do thier time...there is no shortcut when there is no path. es has also made truce with life ... but his truce with life involves others getting bum-fucked...he says u have to be a soldier ...bagpack ...and fuck off at the blow of the whistel...

G thinks that he is smart...but it takes "'s' 'm' 'a' 'r' 't'" to be 1... G is now cought in the web of a spider whoes venom will get him really very very high... so high that he will one day fall and he will fall flat...no one wants to work 16 hours a day only to find out that his national holidays are washed away in thier own sweat....

r will stop living in a dream...r will start having faith...and r will renew his hope ...at the wishing well.


r now depends on the golden yellow magic potion to survive which will slowly consume him....

r will live to tell a tell...



raKH05041982

looking inside out...

2009 was disastrous... 2010 should be interesting....

less alcohol less haze.....taking a lot of inspiration from Copenhagen...

best of 2009 - making a strong resolution ..reducing alcohol.. reducing haze..
worst of 2009 - missed porcupine tree....

\m/
raKH05041982

tanks and fighter jets and a love story of a submarine

as yet another cake gets baked out of the Owen first and then the digestive system of humans... 5 30 hours ahead a mind digs the past for some well preserved memories.....its a day to celebrate and scream and shout...for a limited few


those days were so very nice...a hippie was so very lost... yet he didn't bother ...there was no need...

he knew that at the end of the tunnel...he is gonna be greeted with a small pit-stop and yet another tunnel of confusion will begin...somewhere on his journey he would meet many souls who will be faking seeking salvation...and trying to escape reality....

in my heart - moby
Lord I want
To be up
In my heart
Be
Ohh
Just in my heart, oh Lord
Just in my heart, oh Lord


as the clock ticked...pages were flipped... hippie... on one flat Tyre...continued to seek the most comfortable numb position with a maximum angle....to drool...over her..

if you know that the 180 mins after the next 60 odd mins are going to be the one where the mind can be gang raped...you might well enjoy the first 60 mins....(its as simple as you want it to be) . . and there is no god who would be actually coming down on earth to prove his existence by risking his own life...


the sexy frame of reference that helped him cut fruitless hours was to eclipse...the shortcut was fixed...there was just one hurdle... i knew i would pray through those tunnels of confusion...that the hurdle should pull back the sexy frame of reference ..and superimpose it on staying abck in the country...she could be the binding glue ....and help me drive me out of the tunnels....


and then there was nowhere to go...but the exam hall . ..and nothing to do... but Stare !! she was melting my heart !!

after 15 mins ..the melting stopped...the re-resurrection of the soul began...

after 180 mins...there was a lot of noise...i tried ..but i dint try enough...i didt try hard...it was where we parted...

most of the faces i was not too see again..because i know...no matter how educated we were to become..social networking was not to bite every1 ...there was no networking in the first place....


from there the bunch of tanks and fighter jets were to refuel...so we rush...and that was it.... the green dress was too remain in the heart and the memories were the only thorns to be protecting it.....


(wadhwani, amar, 10, burhan, jain, submarine, wine, v-pull, neeraj, deshgande)



8 is the number that didnt surprise me..when the result was out... it was a boon...it gave me hope...dildaar must be the one who deposited 8 in my favor coated with hope and better luck next time...

outside wadhwani and a dead body waited....the black vehicle took the deadbody away for postmortem... while the rest were lost in the wilderness of the EI...

i still have not heard from wadhwani ....he is still alive...and not in jail...(hope so)


over the next few months...windows messenger was the gateway ....i keep sending signals "i am so very lost into you..help me forget the pain...and derive energetic inspiration out of virtually nonexistence".... 59 is not a bad result out of it.....both in digital signal processing and EI . . what a relief ...


as the years passed...the submarine rose...and the sexy frame got sexier (beautiful too) and unexceptionally smarter... and now life continues...she continues to be a unconventional source of inspiration.... all she needs to do is not ignore .....be a friend....

life was taking a drastic turn and the submarine was sinking...and all it needed was a anchor...and a radar that worked... and a wake up call for the Captain who was in tunnels....seeking salvation....


happy birthday to dear J....you were and will be a life saver :)


if was too dedicated a song.....it would be... (pearl jams black would be too emotional and romantic :P)

Light years - pearl jam
I've used hammers made of wood
I have played games with pieces and rules
I have deciphered tricks at the bar
But now you're gone, I haven't figured out why
I've come with riddles, and jokes about war
I figured out numbers and what they're for
I've understood feelin's and I've understood words
But how could you be taken away?

And where ever you've gone, and where ever we might go
It don't seem fair, today just disappeared
Your light's reflected, now
Reflected from afar
We were but stones, your light made us stars

With every breath, awakened regrets
Back pages and days that only could've been spent
Together, but we were, miles apart
Every inch between us becomes light years now
No time to be void, or save up on life
Oh, you gotta spend it all

And where ever you've gone, and where ever we might go
It don't seem fair, you seem to like it here
Your light's reflected now
Reflected from afar
We were but stones, your light made us stars

And where ever you've gone, and where ever we might go
It don't seem fair, today just disappeared
Your light's reflected now
Reflected from afar
We were but stones, your light made us stars.

"peace"

raKH05041982