a crazY littel things called LOVEDA...

LOVEDA...loveda lag gaya zindagy kaa...deep down south...aisa lagata tha ek din ek hafte ke barabar hia...dimaag mein itni chutiyagiri ho rahi thee kee...aise lag raha tha butterNan playing football with my heart in my head was much more fun...sala her ek din...woich tensionor sales target...EOD dimmaga ka bhosada ho jaata tha...pata tha jab yeh sab khatam ho jaayega ...sala poorani kabar khodke poorani baante and yaadon ko sochke bada majja ayega....jhendu ke phool ki tarah dil khil jaayega...

out of the many things..yeah many things....i know i wont miss many of them...

i mean if a man had nothing gr8 happening in his life... i am sure he will start appreciating all the chutiyagiri happening around him...he will surely enjoy it...

if i went shouting loveda loveda loveda...i would get slapped in mumbai...this fear once came true when the off duty cop who had the balls of frustrated trapped anger to slap me on a muthafukin DIWALI day...yeah that was like a big cracker bursting right on my face....chutiya burhaan wanted to buy chaddi....and to buy chaddi he comes all the way to vashi from kharghar....its not like ppl in kharghar mein log undies nahi pehan te....the reason is there is a famous chaddi-baniyan shop in the lane next to golden punjab and navratna....right next to jhama in sector 17 vashi..

we chediots (chediots are nothing but chutiyaas who are also idiots).... ho ho ho...it was our fav adda.... sitting on bikes parked in from on navratana...adda for getting together....chill out...drool on the hot girls and aunty's who came shopping in the sec 17 market...buy chhota baatlees of wodkaa and then flip open the bottle of sprite...gulp 3/4th of the sprite the bitter way..and then mix the two miscible liquids.... the chhota baatlee in the remaining 1/4th sprite...then the ritual used to be ..waiter will try to show that he is a true lost maharashtrian indian...dance with the sprite baatlee having wodka like a bartender...sprinkle 4 drops of daru for the ppl who are not with us...and then drink the sweet concentrate to glory...me..mikhail..lez...waiter...claude.. and others.....

chutiyagiri to hona hi tha...burhaan was with romstone...and usual we have a healthy exercise of words of wisdom.... parade of galis begin... bencho...bhosdaaa...maa ki aaag...it was like we are full of them..... i tell burhaan, jab woh patlee gali se kamati ho raha tha.... LOVEDAy...( in proper bumbaiyaa style)... apni size ki chaddi kharidnaa..and then burhaan with his loud mouth goes...blah blah blah....loveda bada hai to meri kya galti...and i say...jaa be loveday...jaa...undie kharid...

and then i dont remember what happpen...there is that gap ...i dont remember anything.... next think i remember a khaki...is in front of me, me surprised...trying to take my case....woh maamoo ka gussa pata nahi kahan se aaya...apne chhote nanhe ke saamne hi raises his had ...ONE TIGHT SLAP...silence...then pandu thoda much much kiya...and in few more seconds we left the scene....

LOVEDA bola....jhapad khaya :|

i still couldnt figure out ....whats with this crazy little thing..word loveda....the best thing in chennai, or coimbatore, or in madurai...or TN for that matter....there would not be any police who would slap me if i went on a parade shouting out loud loveda loveda loveda...why ?... its simple.... love is nothing but love...and "da" is a fix they use....like in mumbai we use "re" or "be"...

coming back to missing things...the list may be long...but few are like...

i miss that dude who looked ditto like forest whitaker, who didnt understand a phaaaking word of hindi, he made excellent cofee...the MR bakery on Gokhale road off cross cut road in ramnagar in coimbatore and the small coffee shop behind murugan temple in vadapalani in chennai...who made coffee even better but always insisted on mee eating cookies and bananas...

miss that ultra fucked up amman mess ...what a mess that mess was in...where the parotta with kurma was a killer...and half boil....ha ha ha...half boil is actually a half fry egg...frankly i stopped giving a damn...coz the taste was as good as ghar ka khana....

miss aachi mess in tatabad was homefood....and so was the mess close to aachi...which was special for its non-veg...

miss Sathyam Cinemas which could have easily become a living room with awesome surround dolby sound, full time working AC, and a source of innocent ego-free pop-corns...if i was to stay in chennai for longer than a year....

marina was a playground...Thiruvanmayur beach was the best open house bar...miss them

i miss walking randomly on the streets of T-nagar....it was a hopeful place...where i always dreamed of bumping into the awesomo butterNan ....but only dreams of true color come true....mOnOchromatic dreams are hard to come true...

the dude who used to give me and mangesh a happy smile everytime we went to buy coke and chakhnaa..those plastic glasses are being missed....those green TASMAC boards...
and that dudes elder bro...whos tamilish ( a mix of tamil and english) persuaded me to buy a tata sky connection....(fuck...there was no way i would miss euro cup)

that lady who took gr8 deal of interest in making mootai-lapa or mootai-podimas and who would enquire about where we had dinner last night every time we skipped dinner at her shop....and showed that she cares...and she did.

miss hanging out with keshavmoorthy and velayutham swamy ...who took much interest in teaching me tamil, withouth them i would be gangraped in coimbatore and chennai... abdul bhai, who was a complete timepass character.....it was fun teaching him few hindi words....

i miss curd rice, oorga...pappad

miss those 2 bloody mechanics who conned me into buying a fucked up bike and feeling happy about it...mayeer is what i called them in my mind ....the only slang i learnt...down south... sometimes, the things that interest you the most are never tought....you gotta learn them on your own...in this case, I chose not to learn how or wha they say ....those slangs in tamil....slangs are common in mumbai and north...madarchode, behahchode...i still dont know how they say it in tamil....i knew i would never need to use them in a land of so many GODS...

all i know is...I was an interesting character before living in tamil nadu.....Now i am an even more frigging special interesting character....

above all....i miss the way i used to miss my life in tamil nadu...i miss the way i used to miss mumbai/bombay....i miss the way i missed my friends... the way mumbaikars struggle it out...the way they fight to keep their miserable lives above the bare minimum happiness level...the way they slap all the stress and bounce back like a ping pong ball everyday in the morning (few of the mumbaikars ounce at night)....the way we use madarchode benchode and not actually mean it...the way we laugh it out when we miss the local train despite doing everything on time....the way we eat a vadapav as a treat from a chindhy rich friend....the way auto-rickshaw-wallahs charge you by the meter...and nothing more...the way the food kooked in slums, packed nicely by young kids in unclean plastic is consumed with satisfaction buy the middleclass...the leafy vegetables grown from the gutter/sewage ka pani on the sides of railway track, are treated as a healthy organic food....i missed it all....

sometimes it is necessary to separate yourself from the city you love ....only to fall in love with it all over again...


PS :"love da....benchode" & "maa-chudi"....are my most frequently used fav galis.


raKH05041982

under the color tv . . . . . .chemical locha explained...

12the september 10am...waiting for the crocodile to decide my future...not wanting o think too much...i scribbled the thought in my head...

all i did was sit under the color tv on the first floor, wait for hours ...for her to come online...if she came online..the heart used to skip a beat..it was becoming more of a exercise for my heart...and then jump with her in the world of insane fun, chat, innocent flirting and what ever it was ...i was a balloon filled with vapors of happiness geld with laughter.... and if she didn't come online...i used to imagine that if she came online...today....blah blah blah... its clear...my brain was super scrwed...chemical locha...and if she came online and couldnt chat...i was like a balloon filled with fart...heart broken...sunti knows exactly what i used to go through...

then one day in a mail...i get a picture of her and i start getting high...high on her beauty...instant love at not really first sight....and blah blah blah...baBa crashes...

few things were matching matching...like a sari with a 2 by 2 ka cutpiece blouse ..sometimes no matching matching...andhra ka hero ka dressing style ke tarah...here i am talking about tastes interests thoughts....etc...

PBS (pearls before swine) was perfect matching matching...she loves it so much that she will order for books of PBS online and happily pay in $s...i love it so much that i will scan the whole fucking web to get free soft copies...few more matching matching things were rain-dance, world peace, nailbiting performances sunshine etc...the non matching things can go and fuck themselves...not worth mentioning here....

never met her, never had a word with her, just chats and exchange of sms's ...and fal in love might sound like a big chutiyagiri...and now sometimes i do agree it as a chutiyagiri ...but what else is not a chutiyagiri in this world....sometimes...most of the times...sometimes all the time...this life is a BIG chutiyagiri...I mean we cant have everything, at times we dont even get 50% of the things we dream of...coz we are always tought to dream big...dream of the impossible...fuck those...who really tell us to do that....unrealistic reality... and then few things that we want in life, come in our life and before we are able to blink, they are frigging out of the life...turn our...i get a chance to meet her in her hometown ...madgrasss.....(madgrass = chennai)...i meet her...and i force my self to blink...but before i can blink...all i know was....i am saying...dude...i dont know what the fuck is happening....sunti is like...baBa... get a life...


everything comes to a standstill...the balloon is pinpricked...hona kya hai...typical hindi fillum scene shot....she get engaged...and tamasha dekhta reh gaya...baBa...kabhi kabhi you miss the starting gun in a race that u dont want to win....and consequences dont let you participate the races you want to win...thoda bahoot jyaada late ho gaya...but what the hell...khud ko tasalli dene ke liye...they say naa...try kiya naa...jee kholke try kiya....thoda bahoot safalata bhi praapt kiya...

the problem was her jaadu had spread to such a high degree that she started becoming the ideal girl friend to have....but then like some wise man called baBa once said.... whats ideal in this world apart from DEATH...?

friends went to movies..i chose to sit under the tv, bewda dost log went to daru-party...i was sitting under the tv...team-mates busy making presentations to impress lifeless teachers...i was sitting under the tv...on the day of the eggjams, everybody slogging their ass to reduce the fat and get in shape....i am found under the tv.. at times till 11 pm... pataOfying the watchman... to let me sit under the tv...so that i can be online...i can chat...i can feel like a happy balloon.... there was life under the tv....there was joy...there was timepass, there was fun, there was me...sitting all most all the time when i am not doing anything ....under the tv on the first floor was what i love calling "stairway to heaven"...but i couldnt hear...the wind blow, and did i know my stairway to heaven was on the whispering wind....

to accompany me when she was not around online was naruto, bleach, weeds, pink floyd, gtalk, and my fuckin awesome laptop ......


PS :the crocodile kinda surprised me....said...mumbai se jyaada pyaar tujhse aur koi nahi kar sakta...he transferred me to mumbai....

raKH05041982

perplexed thoughts of a bewildered mind of a disoriented boy.

fuck...life is a bych....and i seriously need to play a pimp... i need to learn to hustle... i need to be bad... i need to learn to be mean... i need to be a ...what a typical niggah would say...in snoop dogg style... a muthafukn hustler...

bloody hell...slept like a pig... the whole fucking night...yesterday night...slpt the fuckin full morning... why....coz i was tired... the fever and the food poisoning had fucked up the chemical combination and hormones were all running loose in random directions....

dint speak to more than 3 ppl in the whole day... the chaiwala... the medical shopkeeper who gave me that awesome cough syrup....god..that really helps me sleep like a pig.... i am a fan....and the third one is me... yeah i was talking to me in the mirror... somehow i feel that me in the mirror is always smarter than me...

and at 6 30 chhota boss calls me up..says call bada boss... bada boss is always in straight forward mood... he said... come and meet me.... and from there go to mumbai... ...fuck.. i mean..i was dying to get back to mumbai....i was so frigging desperate to go back to mumbai... and i was not really expecting such a fast procedure to gop back...but neverthless...i am tired of living in chennai... a part of me is still in chennai... and then a part of me is going to in coimbatore... i am tired of eating funny food.... though its healthy.... i mean...i can go on ...on... on... but i need to stop, this time. its not really a bad place to live in. once u go with the flow...i am sure anyone will enjoy.. this place...

its like that white skinned 86 year young firang dadi-maa i met in sulochana spinning mills on the metttupalayam road... bhadwee is staying in kothagiri for the last 30 years...running a descent international school ...speaking fluent tamil...enjoying her last few years of insane life... enjoying her coffee and idlee dosa...spoke to her and asked her.... how did she like this place... she said...i just liked it... those bloody lovely hippies...surely knew where to find peace....( kothagiri is in the nilgiri's)


so i guess i shall find myself in mumbai in few more days...just need to sort a few things.......gosh... bombay was so much better...it shounded more hip and less ghati :P

will watch saroja today....night show... hope the movie is a good one...and it wud be mooolah well spent. have to take care of few things. will love all.

peace comes in small pieces at times.

raKH05041982

life is a fruit-salad :)

before u read anything further... remember this.. this is coming out of personal experience (".)

when u get drunk... please dont brush ur teeth with shaving cream . . . its no fun....in fact just go to sleep... its OK if u dont brush ur teeth before bed.....

metrosexuals (mtsxl) .... i am not one of them...i think .. i think ... i think..i am a hippie... at least i was one till i didn’t take up this job....now the hippie looks are gone.... I am still letting the hippie live inside me… just in case I need him during the WWIII … now this is what happens in today’s world.... we all have jobs...we all get up in the morning... some have trouble downloading...some don’t... i for that matter have no worries at all.... I just have to sit on the commode ...and not do anything... the bowels just want to get hell out of me... as if they are suffocating inside..... thank you thank you...my smaller intestine....then we go to work....some take the car...some take public transport... some actaully work...or some pretend to work....some come straight back to home to their wife and kids... while some take the patlee galli and head to pubs, bars, lounges ...or wherever life takes them...some have a good day...some have bad day.....some care...some dont.... some are comfotably NUMB...some are comfortably DUMB...

Ok...this is not what this post is about..

Coming to the original idea of the post….he he…there is no idea…

so there is this imaginary dude human being...no no.... he is not doing his MBA... for heavens sake... not all are fools... I don’t know if he is a metrosexuals (mtsxl)….

so he gets up in the morning... brushes his teeth ....the flavor is strawberry... yup ..he still likes to use the toothpaste... which he used when he was a kid....rinses his mouth....( i want to try that toothpaste... all my life i have used that white and red "khol-gate" ... white paste.. yeah.. u are right....i do have cavities...unlike what the adv promises.... and that mofo suraksha chakra.... and that ting noise .... is nothing compared to the drilling noise of the dentists drills....dentists... u ppl are life-savers )

so now...after brushing his teeth.... dude is late....so heads straight under the shower.... so... nunga-punga bath chalu... raat ko aamla ka tel se chumpi kiya hai ( wah-tikka tel. . .reminds me of lovely mandira bedi… extraaa shots :P ) ….to sabse pehle fructis ( I am sure this shampoo can be used as a nice topping cream in most of the European dishes )_ ...man this shampoo is nice... try it... smells like a lot of fruits are crushed in it.... then saboon lagane ke bari... saboon is also fruit flavored ...one of those Chinese soaps with apple flavor ( lol chinese soaps...they are gonna take over....and amreeka is gonna feed them )…. Nahake ho gaya….shave karne ki baari ( its one of the most irritating activity for hippies… but thank god…he only gave us the brains to shave of dadhi… )… shaving cream lemon flavoured + aloe vera ( they say this aloe vera thing is miraculous )…. Aftershave is bloody pomegranate flavored + with added menthol … combs his hair… styling gel…coconut flavored…. (rotflol coconut )

lol…. He is turning into a fruit salad ….( sala i actually made that word rangeela... ha ha ha....i have so much free time.. and no money in the pocket to go have a beer.... )

Now time to put of some deodorant… again fruit flavored… watermelon :P

All dressed up…. Drinks milk… has some jelly… he loves jelly… almost close to being a complete fruit salad… ( who the hell invented the fruit salad ? .. .must be an accident.. .where the wife has got angry and gone to maikaaa ... and the hubby ...pooor hubby has to cook for himself )

God damn it…. Brain super heating…. Fuck fuck fuck…. Fruit-salad…. I miss it….I WANT FRUIT SALAD

All those vitamins ….. all those fibers….. all those …

Just fuck it… I am going to FETCH some food…. Living in dog years ;)

PS : “to life..”…. It rained in MUMBAI today… thanks to u... life… I missed it…though I had a nice sunbath here in Chennai… sunscreens don’t work here…

raKH05041982

baBa's XP-rence and life in a big metropolitan village called chennai in INDIA

PS : discard this blog if u are having improper bowel movements.....this blog will not help you... may be try jamalGOTA or kayam chooran


lots of things that we mumbaikars mite find irritating...in this city who is fast aping to be like mumbai....

the most important thing... its a hot city...as in the chicks are not really hot...but the weather is.... so u can wear a lungi... but its completely allright to not wear anything inside the lungi...( just dont get drunk and loose ur lungi)

not so good things
ppl go to sleep by 10 pm
hotels don't take orders after 10 30 pm
railway stations are empty after 10 30 pm
buses are dead crowded
ppl can pee where ever they like..... ( u can even pee right opposite to the famous temples with ur back facing to women.. )
no descent wine shops
very few bars
loads of tamil telgu malayalam and kannada tv channels....very few hindi...u ll be surprised to when u are stayin in some hotel....
no directions on the road...but loads of glowsigns asking u to wear helmates and not use cell phone while driving....
language is like jeelebies....
even the north indians who have settles here for ages prefer to speak in tamil... :(
local muslims might not know urdu....but they speak fluent tamil
lots of one ways....u dont understand how to reach a destination.....
no roads bigger then 100feet
lots of lungis indicating the temperature of the city... higher the lungi....higher is the temperature...
no meter in autos ( minimum fare for a person not knowing tamil is Rs 50 )
very strict police.. no helmet....u are dead meet.... riding bike after midnight.... naka bandi every hwere.... (kahan se aaya ...kahan jaa raha hai....sab batana padta ahi.... movies se aa raha hoon bataya to ...proof ke liye movie tickets is a must )
local water sucks..... its hard as a desperat cock....(eeks....a dirty comparison)... metro water is just getting popular...
no rotis, no chapatis ... only in very expensive restaurants... in descent hotels 2 rotis for 25 bucks ) but u phackin dont get choice of vegetables... they serve something called KURMA..u better eat those funny chapatis with that kurma....
police here look like the RAWAN from ramayana...big phaaacking big moushtaches ...i wonder how they kiss their wife...or neighbour's wife....
no paneer
no vada pav
no shivsena :D
no raj thakrey (ohhh.... fuck that bastard ...he is bloody trying to drive away the mumbai's true asset..the bloody biharis...who have dignity of labour)
no taxis...only call a cab service ( i wonder how much they would charge if they didnt obey the meter rules )
no hangout zones
no toto's
no not just jazz by the bay
u cant use the fly overs in the night :P
no street lights on all roads
ppl dance and play loud music when some one is being taken to the samshaan ( burning/burial ground ) ( majorly only the lower classes do that....but i kinda now like the idea.... )


and fucking lots of things....that are fucking different here..... which are not comin to my mind as of now..... ill keep u mofos.. posted...


a fact... i easily end up drinking more then 3 liters of water and 200ml of chai or coffee.... but i only pee once a day .... coz i sweat like a desperate pig :P



good things...

the biggest loo is marina beach...pee anywhere....there is water everywhere....
u dont have to pee again and again....its really a boon for lazy assholes like me....
its dead cheap.... the public transport... trains and railway
food is cheap... Rs. 22 thali...i bet no one will finish.... only a huge bowl of rice and unlimited sabjees and sambhar
u can buy cheap mineral water ....200 ml packet of min water for rs 1 ...only....
the buses have english boards... unlike the BEST buses in mumbai....who have only idiotic marathi which most of my friends cant read :(
the multiplexex are cheap....and food serverd in them is phattey cheap...
extra king kong popcorn and a liter of coke only for 90 rs..... wake up mumbai... :@
all ladies compulsoraly wear a huge long mogra ka gajara...so when u are in a crowded bus...stand next to one of the female... u can smell the nice scent of mogra ...rather than standing next to a anna and sharing ur sweat with him.... ( just dont Phacking get cought.. )
not many eat gutkha or 420 kacha pakka elaichi paan with bhola.. so they dont spit and draw what some call it modern art..... ( mumbai need to ban pan and gutkha :@ . . . )
SUNDAY is actually a public holiday... unlike in mumbai...where most of the fuckups happen on a bloody sunday...sunday bloody sunday.....

this city will teach one a lot of things.... only thing is ... most of it which one might not want 2learn


and i cant think of any more....good things.....coz my brain is overheating....

finally...
all those who wish to dis-agree can be my guest....this is my POV (point of view)
rest can go fuck themselves.... and if u do succeed....ill suggest his/her name for the Oscars.....

i wonder how that god called Ram survived...man many years back.....then there was no public transport also.... no internet... no tv...no FM... no mobiles.... no porno...... :O ( but he had a friend called hanuman :) )


PS : discard this blog if u are having improper bowel movements.....its really not gonna help :X
PS2 : is expensive...Sony shud slash the prices....
PS3 : remember this...when a girl says that her deadline in this city is 10 30... she is celestially blessed...and her deadline is like a girl staying in mumbai with a deadline of 2 AM ( the phaaaacked up city sleeps damn early....even the phacking public transport sleeps early )...who cares about the guys...


anna's and akka's and tata's and pati... (maaf karo if u dont like this blog... its not to yuntertain u... anywyas... )



peace :)

raKH05041982

phisH and the MMS undergraduate :)

PS : this story is dedicated to the lovely butterNan who stole my heart with my permission :) . . . . loved u !!

Once upon a time there lived a phisH in the arabian sea. He was very tired of drinking the salty water of the sea. So the phisH consulted an MMS undergraduate from the Mumbai university. The graduate thought about the situation the phisH was facing and asked the phisH to shift to bay of bengal.... the phisH aked ...why the bay of bengal ? The smart MMS undergraduate said.....dear phisH...the bay of bengal is next to the state of west bengal. the bengalis love sweets. So the water in the bay of bengal is sweet.

The phisH was confused. He asked .... how is that possible....? The smart undergraduate said...."phishes dont have brains"...lissen to what i say and u'll get a lot of sweet water the phisH was satisfied...then he started dreaming....

One day ...when his preparations were done...he set off. while going from the arabian sea to the bay of Bengal the phisH had to tackle many dangers... but the phisH was determined.....his will was strong....After many days of swimming in hot cold n lukewarm waters he started getting close to the Bay of Bengal.

The water had started getting a lil sweeter....and then the phisH got happy. He started thanking the smart undergraduate from the Mumbai university :). He swam faster and with great enthusiasm. When he reached closer to bay of Bengal , the water was realtively very sweet. but the phisH was greedy and lalchee. so he wanted to drink the sweetest water...here the phisH made the biggest mistake of getting close to culcutta.... he never knew that the BONGS love to eat fish.....

He went too close to danger and was caught in the fishing net of a Bengali fisherman and lost his life.


moral of the story is for u to decide and comment :)

raKH05041982